Step 1: and this is very important, make sure your candidate is supported by the government of the day and aligned with the current executive.

Step 2: be bold! You’re gonna need to be for what comes next.

Step 3: forget all you’ve learned, forget about ethics and morality, bring the courts under control. A phone call or two from your brother and sister will do the trick.

Step 4: encourage litigation on any possible issues, don’t worry, you’ve got that phone call, remember?

Step 5: choose a strategic location for the election, book all hotels, fill them with your supporters THEN inform the general membership of the location. Think about it, how can they vote against you if they aren’t there?

Step 6: and they may fight you on this, (if they do, encourage court action, you’ve got that phone call remember) but do not, under any circumstances, allow proxy votes! You can’t guarantee the effectiveness of your plan if people can vote in absentia.

Step 7: on the day of the election, make sure someone with pseudo-credibility is present. For optimal results, make sure the Anti-Corruption Commissioner is present and install him as Chairman. Forget about seniority and previous practice, if the opposition shout, shout louder. Whatever you do, make sure he can run the show.

Step 8: have your friendly Chairman alter the agenda start the elections wayyyy earlier than announced so that most opposition voters would be absent. It would be even better if he can do this by pretending to follow protocol. (Don’t worry, even if he moves a motion and there has to be a vote, it won’t matter because only your supporters would be in the hall at the time).

Step 9: frustrate the opposition, who cares if they don’t vote? Be deliberate in how the ballot papers are distributed (you should have some way to identify your supporters. Maybe a Blue Band.) give as many to your people, little or none to opposition.

Step 10: if you’ve done everything correctly, there will be chaos. This is good. In fact, this is what you want. Watch them scream, shout and protest, after all, did you not follow the law and due process 😂?

Step 11: in the midst of the chaos, have brother Chairman decide that voting is done. He should also encourage his police officers to use more force. Preferably, with pepper spray and tear gas. They can even throw chairs if they feel. Do whatever you can to push the opposition to the edge. With any luck, they will be forced out of the hall.

Step 12: having closed the free and fair elections 🤭🤭🤭, brother Chairman should then decide how many votes to give you, the number doesn’t matter, as long as he makes your victory sound overwhelming. Something around 500+ votes would make sense. What would be even better is if brother Chairman could also generously give the opposition a few votes, you know, for the optics.

Step 13: declare yourself and your band of merry men/women the victors. Smile for the cameras. Call for unity 😂. And most importantly, lie! lie! lie! even in the face of incontrovertible evidence, lie! Remember, you control the narrative.