Na You Snap Am?
My people come oh the worst has happened. Look at me shouting people when in actual fact I have nothing to do with humans but demons, Ariogbos and ancestors. This is shocking; this is not politics; this is wickedness. In fact ‘sef’ this is a national disaster by Ariogbo standard. Why did this happen? How could this happen? Where are the gods of our land? Are we under a curse as a nation? What is happening right now in this extraordinary Ariogbo Kingdom? Even by human standard, politics is not meant to demoralize anyone, whether an Ariogbo or a human being. But nowadays, humans and Ariogbos alike are reducing politics to a dirty game that no decent living thing will want to associate with. This is shameful; this is negative; this is bad; this is not good. Hahahahahaha!!!
Humans are pretending as if they have no knowledge of what I am talking about. Thanks to the ancestors that my fellow Ariogbos clearly understand what I am grumbling about. So if the humans don’t get the drift, I will just advise them to drop this piece of paper and go about their normal businesses. It simply means that this is an Ariogbo issue that has no bearing to humans. Oh yes! If it were a human issue, they will easily understand it. Ariogbos and their issues are mysterious and complex and cannot be understood by ordinary, short and limited humans.
Wow! Since the ordinary humans have already abandoned this piece of paper humans call newspaper, let me discuss with my fellow Ariogbos this grave issue bothering the fellow creatures called Ariogbos. You heard me right?! Ariogbos are living things that fall under the strange category of creatures. Don’t ask my why. That is definitely a question for the gods.
On a very serious note, we have a seriously unserious matter bothering us as Ariogbos. Hold on…no worries…I will definitely report the issue and right now for that matter.
Have you seen the pictures?
Let me ask this big question: Have you seen the pictures? ‘You dae ask which pictures?’ You really want to tell me that you have not seen the latest pictures in the Ariogbo Kingdom? Well, you must be blind. Let me ask the second question: Have you heard about the pictures? You are also deaf? Okay, I have more questions. Are you going to ever discuss these pictures? You are dumb too? Oh humans…so you are not only blind, but deaf and dumb too? No wonder we always describe you as ordinary humans. So humans don’t eat and drink? Oh you can eat rice and drink coke huh! I see. Well, thanks to the gods that they made me an Ariogbo. And I will tell you with authority that I have not only heard about these pictures, but I have also seen with my twelve eyes, and my mouth is completely open to discuss these pictures. Privacy? Libel? Abomination? Pademba Road? In fact ‘sef’ privacy, abomination, libel and Pademba Road all fall under the category of the part of speech called noun. Don’t ask me what is a noun because I will never give you the answer. That is not because I want to be selfish with knowledge, but simply because ‘ar don charm the definition with cassada leaf’. Anyway, let me continue with my narration.
New Slang in Town – Na you snap Sam Loco?
‘Na me snap am?’ I am asking because I kept hearing and dodging this new slang in town throughout yesterday. Why are they shouting all over the place ‘Na you snap am; na you snap Sam Loco? My fellow Ariogbos are becoming interesting these days. Now they clearly act like ordinary humans. Well, ‘nor to me snap am o…Na you snap am?’ Well, if no demon is ready to take responsibility, let us just shelve the question of who did it.
The story of the nude pictures
Now humans are still confused. They are yet to clearly understand my story. Well, that is because it happened in the Ariogbo Kingdom and difficult to comprehend by humans. Let me break it down at this juncture. I am talking about some unfortunate nude Ariogbo pictures that are being widely circulated and viewed by demons in our kingdom. Well, if you are still in doubt, leave out. Hahahahahaha!!! You still want me to tell you ‘eh!’ Oh humans!!! Okay let me see what I can do for you.
All what I have been trying to make you see are the pictures making the rounds on the demonic social media over the past two days. Oh there are several pictures on the social media eh! Well, let me tell you that you cannot miss these pictures for others. They are special demonic pictures that even the ordinary eyes will not miss for the normal pictures. You heard me right! I am talking about the stark naked pictures arguably portraying the image of the selected Vice President of our Ariogbo Kingdom Victoria Foday aka Sam Loco. Yes e! Our Vice President in the Ariogbo Kingdom is nicknamed Sam Loco. And unlike humans, we select our VPs; we don’t elect them. That is why I referred to our VP as the selected VP.
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We are free to discuss these pictures now freely for that matter because they are no longer classified. The Ariogbo public has already consumed the pictures with big eyes so it is but fitting to talk about the merits and demerits of them.
This is the maximum height of wickedness by all standards. I am talking about the act of publishing such pictures. This is the second gentle Ariogbo in the Kingdom and should be respected as one. So how could any Ariogbo imagine publishing him naked? Like really?! Are you kidding me? So now you want to see your leaders stark naked? Is this the new Ebola? I don’t care whether or not the picture is cut and paste or montage or actual picture, I am vexed that our fellow Ariogbos could be this wicked. What would you want to achieve by portraying Sam Loco naked? Why would anyone want to rob the gentle Ariogbo of his dignity? Where is the greatest love that the human called Whitney Houston talked about in her music? What happens ‘sef’ to his right to privacy? Oh so public officials have no privacy in the Ariogbo Kingdom? For the sake of argument, let us assume that these are actual pictures. Could this mean our VP did not have bathrobe or towel or pajamas? How can he be parading even inside his house naked? Anyway ‘sef’ this is none of my business. ‘Sometem na so the man wan live e life’. But if these pictures are real, this could be a typical example of betrayal of trust. That man would only be stark naked in front of demons he trusts. So why did the demon use his or her camera against him this treacherous way? I said his or her camera because we are not even sure who did the act. We don’t know whether or not it is perpetrated by a man or woman. In the world we are living in now, men can get naked in front of their fellow men and the same for women. All I will ask this demon is this: ‘You wan kill we VP?’
And ‘sef’ is this the suitable time to circulate such ungodly pictures? Answer me please. I don’t know about humans, but our Islamic Ariogbos are fasting right now. So did the publishers think of the timing before releasing the unacceptable pictures? This is sinful by all standards. This timing is wrong ‘bo’. Why not wait at least after the month of fasting? Oh I see! So this was the way you planned to celebrate our Vice President’s hundred days in office? ‘Bo this nor fair bo’. If the publishers sought my advice, I would have told them to wait after Ramadan. But do we even ‘sabi’ who did this? Well, if it is an actual picture, Sam Loco will have an idea as to who did the act. But how would he pursue the matter when they would not want to make it public that it actually happened? ‘Na question ar ask o’.
Loud Silence of Government
But wait o! This silence on this issue from the Ariogbo government is very loud o. This is what we called deafening silence in the Ariogbo grammar. ‘Ar sabi small grammar e’. Why has the government said nothing in this national disaster? Sack him or put up a defense at least. We the Ariogbos cannot afford for our government to continue to treat us with this type of contempt. So you owe us no obligation? Is that what you are saying? You must say something on this o! Few days back, we were fed with rudeness from a government minister and a football coach; and the Ariogbo Government said or did nothing. ‘Now na naked picture’….say something please…‘we don beg now’.
Is Sam Loco going to do the honorable thing?
While we moan over the ‘spirit pass and there was a yaing yaing’ on the side of the government, we expect our selected VP to think along the lines of doing the honorable thing. If she is too shy to confess to the sin, she can deny it but exit the office on moral grounds. If it is montage as humans call it, let her convince the public that the pictures are ‘cut en paste’. Let her put forward evidence of the actual pictures that have his face from which the ‘photoshoper’ did the montage. This is my suggestion o! In fact ‘sef’ let me return to my shrine and have a second and third and fourth and fifth and sixth and seventh and eighth and ninth and tenths and several look at these pictures so I can make a better judgement soon. Goodbye for now.